Why Does God Hate Me

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I’ve been married for 33 years. I’ve been faithful to my wife. I’m a Christian and many years ago my wife professed to be one as well. 28 years ago my wife began drinking and quickly moved into the category of an alcoholic. Despite my pleading and that of her family she refused to admit she had a problem and get help. Her drinking progressed to the point that she had difficulty caring for our 2 sons. Then 25 years ago she ran off with another man, emptying our life savings when she left. When the money ran out so did the man she left with and she returned to me and our, then, young sons but her drinking continued. Over the years people would counsel me to leave her and take our children but I always believed that God hates divorce and since he never promised that our life would be easy, I should remain true to our marriage vows. Now we have been married for 33 years, our sons have all left and resent their mother. Im alone with her. I own my own business but her having been in and out of rehabilitation programs has left us no money and yet she remains an alcoholic. So many times I’ve called her at lunch and when she doesn’t answer I have to drive 40 minutes back to the house to check on her. Many times I’ve found she’s fallen and bloody. I patch her up and return to work out of necessity. There is no family to help care for her. Our sons have all moved away to distance themselves.   I am so tired, and so embarrassed. We have no relationship left, I’ve had the internet shut off and removed any source of money so she can’t buy booze but she always finds a way to get liquor. Almost nightly I come home to find her fall down drunk. I can’t legally have her committed and if I did leave her there is nowhere for her to go. I can’t do that. I’m just waiting for the day when I get home to find she is dead but it never comes.

Anymore, I don’t want to talk to her or even look at her. I have no life but this never ending cycle.

I want to obey God even if he kills me but I just feel so lost. Why does God hate me? Why won’t he grant my plea to heal her and restore her. I can hardly get up in the morning to face another day of this. I’m tired of confiding the same old story to the few people that know about this. That’s all I ever have to tell them, she’s no better or yesterday was a real bad day, etc.

I don’t know what I want to ask you. I found your website on google. I guess I just want to understand why God hates me and wants me to live my life in misery? Help me to understand.

Jim,

My heart breaks for you and your family. The ravages of an addiction like alcoholism are profoundly painful. I am praying that you, your wife, and your children will find healing.

Your email contains a number of questions. I will do my best to answer each of them.

First and most importantly God loves you. He states this in John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world, [you are part of the world] that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.” Again He tells you in Romans 8:15 – “The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” You, my friend, are a child of God, and God loves you as a son. He does not hate you. He weeps for your sorrow.

Next let’s look at the question: Why won’t God grant your plea to heal your wife? For many years, I have prayed that my son would find his way, with the Holy Spirits help, to the foot of the cross. Each night I pray for my son, and each day nothing happens. You pray for your wife and nothing happens. Should we blame God for the fact that our loved ones do not choose to be saved or cured? How can we blame God, when our loved ones have free will to listen to God’s word or ignore Him. Without free will, we cannot show our love for God and so he lets us make a decision to love Him or not. Your wife and my son are making a decision each day to ignore God. We all, to some degree cause our own sorrow and trouble. Your wife causes her sorrow and trouble with the bottle. You choose to stay with your wife, and that causes you sorrow and trouble. You could divorce your wife on biblical grounds when she left you to be with another man. You choose not to. You choose to stay and care for your wife. That is a kind and loving act that causes you sorrow and pain. So ultimately who is causing this pain? Is it God? No, it is Satan who enslaves your wife with alcoholism.

You have made it clear in your letter that you will not leave your wife. I don’t pretend to know God’s mind, but it looks to me like you have been given the mission of caring for your wife.  Every time you have to go home and clean your wife up you are showing her the love of God. You are the follower of Christ who cannot let her be alone in her shame and pain. You, I believe, are the hand of God in your wife’s life. Every time you touch her, you are Christ touching her. When you bind her wounds, you are the hands of Christ healing her. Your life has been hard but not wasted. You have been used by God. He loves your wife even when she can’t love back. Maybe someday your wife will become lucid enough to see the love of Christ in you and change. I don’t know if this will happen. No one does, but it is not in your hands. It is in the hands of God and your wife.

You ask why is God doing this to you? Why does God allow a couple to have an autistic child? Why is He allowing some to die young? The answer is that this world has been corrupted by sin. We are corrupted by sin and make wrong decisions with great consequences. Those consequences affect other people especially those closest to us. But when we are caught up in these painful circumstances, we do not have to let the circumstance define who we are in God’s sight.

I believe you can change your attitude toward your wife by seeing her differently. See her as a child of God and serve God by serving her. If this was your child, incapacitated and unable to help herself what would your attitude be? It is hard, it is tiring, it is mentally taxing, it is hell on earth; but it is a mission form God. Paul was beaten many times, stoned, and put in prison. He suffered all of this and still saw it all as joy. He did not like his circumstances and felt abandoned at times, but he knew his Lord was asking for his sacrifice. He saw that it was a joy to serve his Lord even in a time of pain and sorrow. Maybe God is asking you to count it all joy when you serve the Lord by serving your wife.

Even when we are serving God we need help. Paul had his companions, and you need companions also. I recommend you take the following steps to help yourself:

  1. Begin seeing a good Christian counselor in an effort to heal.
  2. Contact a Christian Al-non group and spend time with those who are going through similar experiences and struggles.
  3. Get involved with a church that understands alcoholism
  4. Pray and read your Bible every day even if it is for just a few minutes.   Start with Psalms, where you find David, a man after God’s own heart, weeping for an answer to prayer. Then read letters Paul wrote. Learn from a man who knew sorrow, pain, disappointment, and rejection.
  5. Pray for your spouse but spend equal time praying for yourself. Pray for strength, patience, and an infusion of a sense of how God is using you.

May Jesus Christ give you strength, wisdom, patience, and the assurance that you are loved.

 

Who Made God

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Thank you for your question Tom. It is a question that is asked by believers and skeptics alike.

Who made God?

As we consider this question, we have to recognize that we are not able to fully understand God. This fact does not preclude our asking and answering the question; it simply keeps the answers we find in perspective. They may not be total answers. However, with a little logic and a little faith mixed in, we can find an answer.

First, let’s look at some of the logic of the question. If we assume that God had a beginning and that He created everything, then who created God? If you answer who created God, then the next logical question is who created that God and who created the next God, up the ladder? See where this is going? It is moving us into a never ending loop that leads nowhere.

Next, consider that something can come from nothing. A recent theory is that “nothing” actually has something in it. This theory states the something inside nothing creates something (Stephen Hawking). Now the question becomes who created the nothing that creates something? So what created us and everything around us? Whatever this nothing is must have had a beginning. Science once again runs into a brick wall because, you need a beginning of the mathematically supposed nothing to have something come from it. It seems science always comes up to a wall that they cannot get through, when trying to explain who or what was the creator? Clearly something had to create everything, and we believe the creator is God and He is eternal so He needs no creator.

Consider where God is or is not. To be the creator of what we see, God has to be outside of our reality.   The potter cannot be part of the pot. So if God created everything, He created time and space as well as the physical world.

Let’s look at what the Bible says about who God is.

Genesis 1:1 “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” (Shows God was before anything else was.)

2 Timothy 1:9 says, “This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.” This passage shows God was before time was.

Deuteronomy 33:27 says, “the eternal God is your refuge….”. God is eternal. (Webster’s definition of eternal: Having neither beginning nor end; infinite in duration)

In the Bible passages above God claims he is eternal. He has no beginning and no end.

In the story of Moses and the burning bush, we find God making a declaration of who He is which gives us the answer to the question of who created God. In Exodus 3:13-14 Moses is asking God what name He should use for God when he is asked who sent him and God’s reply is “I am who I am”. Thus you will say “I am” sent me to you”. God says He is “I Am”, no more no less. He just is. No restrictions in time or place. No thought of limiting Himself in any way. He just is. “I am”, two small words that give God an eternal expanse. A simple answer that says volumes and puts God beyond our time and space. He is saying he is eternal in these two words.

The answer to your question is that no one made God. He is, was, and always will be.

Temptation

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Taylor,

Thank you for placing your question in the box. It is relevant to us all.

Your question is: How do I withstand the temptations and draw closer to God?

Every person on earth including Christians struggles with temptation. In the Bible we are told the following things about temptation:

James 1:14-1514 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV) “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

In 2 Thessalonians 3:3 “But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.”

The scriptures above tell us we are drawn away by our desires and God will strengthen us against temptations.   They also tell us that temptations are bearable and we have a way out. The question is how are we to use these tools God has given us to effectively keep temptation from becoming sin.

God has not left us to guess how to react to temptation. He has given us the following scriptures to guide us in resisting:

Matthew 26:41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Psalm 119:11 “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.”

James 4:7 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

As you can see God has given us all the direction we need to deal with temptation but we need some practical applications to help us as we live in this world. The following steps will help you to put Gods plan in action:

Spend time in the Bible: The more you set scripture to memory the better prepared you are to fight the devil. Jesus showed us in Matthew 4:1-11 how to use scripture to fight the devil. Each response Christ gives to the devil is from the Old Testament. Use scripture when you are being tempted.

Matthew 4:1-11 – 4 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. 3 The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

4 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. 6 “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

7 Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.”

8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. 9 “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

10 Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.”

11 Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

Accountability: Find a Christian who you can trust to keep your confidence and give them permission to keep you accountable for whatever temptation is recurring. They need to ask you the hard questions about your temptations and you must feel safe enough to answer truthfully. They should pray for you in your struggle. An accountability partner is critical in staying true to your effort to defeat your temptations. James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Flee from sin: You cannot allow yourself to entertain the temptation on any level at any time. You have to remove yourself from the temptation.

Sometimes the fleeing is physical. An alcoholic should stay away from any place drinking is going on. It does not matter if it is a bar, a party or a friend house. He or she must flee.

If you have a hard time controlling yourself sexually when alone with your boyfriend you must not let yourself be alone and isolated. If you are living with someone you are not married to you must move out.

Sometimes your must remove something from your life or set up protections to keep the temptation from being reality. A case in point is pornography. If you have a problem with something, remove the source. Your computer may be a problem so you must remove it or put up safe guards to keep you from making your temptation a reality.

You may have a problem with gossip or foul language. Let others know you what to change and give them permission to point out your lapses.

Pray: You must keep your desire to defeat this temptation in your prayers. Ask God for His strength, protection and the tenacity to persevere until victory is yours.

I do not know what your temptations are but as we have noted God is there to help you but you must take steps to show God you really want to rid yourself of the life style the temptation thrives in. Once you have taken steps to flee kneel down and ask for God’s protection. Ask Him for His strength. What we cannot do for ourselves God can accomplish for us.

I don’t want to give you the impression it is easy to defeat temptation. It is not. You will have set backs and the temptation will get the better of you. When this happens analyze what happened and take action to plug the gap that allowed you to fall. After you plug the gap thank God for His forgiveness and begin again. God will honor your struggle and will be with you in the fight.

One last thing I want you to remember: James 1:12 – “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

Taylor, I hope this helps you to fight the good fight and become victorious in Jesus Christ.

My Mom Cares About My Autistic Brothers More Than Me

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Grace,

You wrote to me “My Dad died in 2nd grade. I have 2 autistic brothers and my Mom never cares about me. I need to know if my Dad is there.”

I am very sorry your Dad died. My Dad died and went to Heaven to and like you I miss him. I know it is hard not having your Dad around. It is also hard having your Mom so busy with your brothers. I came from a big family and I was the oldest brother. Because my parents were watching over 8 kids I had to give up much of my Mom and Dad’s time so they could take care of my younger brothers. So, I have kind of an idea what you are feeling.

Your Mom has a very important job. Her job is to help you and your brothers to grow strong and to love God. But your Mom has a big, big job helping your brothers. They need more of her time than you do because they are having a hard time growing up. I am guessing that you are stronger than your brothers right now so Mom gives you very little time so she can help your brothers. It’s hard to be the sister who gets less of Mom’s time than the boys. But please try and understand how hard things are for your Mom trying to help you all with no one to help her.

When I was growing up, my older sister and I helped my Mom with our little brothers. We watched over them and helped them grow up. It was not easy to have to watch my little brothers get more time with Mom than I got but somehow I knew they needed her more than I did. I suspect it is the same with you. It’s not easy to think about it but it is true.

I have a suggestion. Tell your Mom when you need some of her time. Let her know when you need a hug or help with your homework. I know your Mom loves you and wants to spend more time with you but sometimes she just runs out of time and gets real tired trying to do everything she has to do. Another thing you might do is help with your brothers. I helped with my brothers and we got to be real good friends when we grew up. It was nice to know that I was helping Mom.

This part is important, be sure to let your mother know you love her. Give her a hug when she seems sad or tired. She needs to know you love her.

Your second question is “Is my dad there?” I believe he is there, in heaven. He is in heaven and he is praying for you. When you miss your dad remember he is waiting for you in heaven and many years from now, when God takes you to heaven your Dad will be there to hug you. Until that time comes make him proud of you by growing up to be a person who loves Jesus and listens to His teaching. He will teach you what your Dad has not had a chance to teach you. Listen to Him and make your Dad proud of you.

Before I end this letter I want to tell you something very important. You have another Father in Heaven who loves you. It’s God. He is taking care of your Dad and wants you to know He loves your Dad as much as He loves you and He will take care of your Dad for you. You can talk to your Father in Heaven and pray for His help when you are lonely or don’t know what to do. He will always be there to talk to when you need Him.

I pray God will bless you and that He will watch over you, you’re Mom and your brothers.

Can Satan Hear My Prayers?

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William,

Your question, “Can Satan here my prayers? is a good one. Satan is misunderstood by most people. People do not understand his power or his limitations. In fact most people just want to forget he exists.

Your question, as I understand it is, does Satan have Omni powers?

To get the answer we need to look at angels in the Bible. Satan is an angel even though he is fallen.

God is omnipresent (everywhere present), omniscient (to have all knowledge) and omnipotent (all powerful). Satan is none of these. No angel has these attributes, including Satan.

Satan is not omnipresent. He must move from one place to another and as all Angels must (Daniel 9:21-23). Like the angle Gabriel who has to come to Daniel to give him a message Satan must move physically from place to place. Job 1:7: “The Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it.”

Satan is not omniscient. Nothing in the Bible gives this power to anyone but God. We find no examples of omniscience where Satan or any angel is concerned. We do find examples in scripture that show angels do not possess omniscient powers. In Exodus twelve, the Destroying Angel had to have a sign by which to know Hebrew houses from Egyptian houses (Blood on the door post). Further evidence of angels’ lack of omniscience is the statement made by Jesus in Matthew 24:36 that the angels of heaven know not the day nor the hour of our Lord’s return. And Peter, speaking by inspiration in I Peter 1:11, 12, says that the angels, though they desired to, were unable to look into the Gospel plan of salvation through Jesus Christ.

Angels and therefore Satan are not omnipotent. In Job, God limits Satan’s ability to test Job. Another example showing Satan and his demons are in Gods control exists in Mark 5 where Jesus drives out demons.

As for listening to your prayers the devil or one of his demons could hear your prayers. As we have seen in the study above the devil cannot be every place at the same time so he cannot hear everyone’s prayers at the same time. We do know that the devil has many demons who want to destroy and deceive all those who follow and worship God (1 Peter 5:8;2 Corinthians 11:14-15). The demons are described as evil spirits (Matthew 10:1), unclean spirits (Mark 1:27), and angels of Satan (Revelation 12:9). Satan and his demons deceive the world (2 Corinthians 4:4), attack Christians (2 Corinthians 12:7;1 Peter 5:8), and combat the holy angels (Revelation 12:4-9).

So a demon might well hear your prayers. This should not deter you from praying. Remember God is stronger than the evil spirits that follow the evil one. Your prayers are protection from the evil one not a liability. The following verses give us confidence in God’s protection:

John 10:28-29 ~ “And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of My hand. My Father, which gave them to Me, is greater then all; and no man is able to pluck them out of My Father’s hand.”

Philippians 1:6 ~ “Being confident of this very thing, that He which has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

2Thessalonians 3:3 ~ “But the Lord is faithful, who shall establish you, and keep you from evil.”

Hebrew 13:5b-6  ~ “For He has said, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” So that we may boldly say, “The Lord is my Helper,” and I will not fear what man shall do to me.”

For more information on angels and demons see: “The Serpent of Paradise” by Erwin W. Lutzer or Angels Elect & Evil” by C. Fred Dickason.